When my Dad said those words that would play on my mind for many years, “You are no son of mine,” click, hang up… those words and the subsequent multiple refusals to talk to me, I used those to feel so damn abandoned and so angry. Not just with him. With my wife-to-be for being part of the petty argument that led to him making that stand.

Blame makes a great shield for learning.

I hid behind that blame for much longer than was good for anyone. In my outward expression of anger and disappointment, (is there a bigger disappointment and gift than the realisation that your parents are human?) in my grievance, I was distracted from a very simple truth that feels so obvious and part of who I am today.

In any single moment each and every one of us is doing what we think is the best thing to do and needs to be done.

If I was in the same situation as my father that night, and I believed what he believed, I would have done what he did. Similarly with anything and everything that my ex-wife did. In fact, the same goes for all of us.

The same goes for me too! I need not blame me!

Its so tempting for us to look back on things we’ve done and choices we have made in the past, yet those are only ever a reflection of our understanding, beliefs and state of mind at the time. Looking back thinking we ‘should’ have done things differently is basically saying we should have had different beliefs and a different state of mind back then. That seems kinda ludicrous to me. We were at where we were at.

A Course in Miracles teaches us that any action is either an expression of love, or a call for love.

When I look back at some of the things my father did it’s not obvious what was an expression of love and what was a call for love. And I see it doesn’t really matter.

It really doesn’t matter!

I don’t need to condemn someone for expressing love.
I don’t need to condemn someone for calling for love.

And once again I see that without condemnation, forgiveness is unnecessary.

I need forgive no one.
I can love everyone.

Including my ex-wife. Including my Dad. Including me.