Stacks Image 77

The Story of the Star that is You

Stacks Image 1735
When I’m coaching someone, I always want to allow myself to be connected to them, which means really listening to the story they have of themselves.

And at the same time, in service to my client, I do not want to either succumb to or add to that story.

At first this might seem to present a fascinating dichotomy; how can I truly connect with the story but not succumb to it?

Yet in essence, it’s very simple.

I know with all my being the person in front of me is not their story. So whatever they share with me is just telling me and enabling me to get an understanding of how they see, and more empowering, how they are looking at the world.

My basis for connection is in knowing the possibilities for the person irrespective of, and beyond their stories. And this enables me to connect with just about anyone.

When I’m asking ‘So what’s going on with you?’ I am actually asking ‘So, what stories are you telling yourself right now?’

Given that we experience all of life through the stories we tell ourselves about it, I often have great compassion for people and the limitations through which they look at life and the world. We all do it to varying degrees. My compassion comes from knowing this is all part of the human experience, story after story after story.

Some might be tempted to start to delve into those stories, I occasionally catch myself too. Sometimes it’s subtle, offering a counterargument to how the story is untrue.

But I’m of most service to my client when I am able to help them see that all of what they are experiencing is story, irrespective of it’s content.

I notice, and indeed recognise in myself the persistent predictions and reflections.

‘Oh I hear you. Me too. That’s oh so similar to a shit movie I used to make up about myself and watch over and over.’

There’s a shift available to all of us, that of allowing life to show us new stories. Okay, maybe slightly more correctly, that of allowing life to show us opportunities for us to create new stories.

I might not enjoy the movie I’m about to go see, but I wont know until I go watch it.

And hey, it’s okay to go to a movie and not enjoy it. To think we should enjoy everything is just yet another story.

The more I become aware of the nature, rather than the content, of the stories I persistently tell myself, the more I’ve personally noticed I’m also open to seeing something different, seeing something new. Your mileage may vary, but I’d guess something similar may happen for you too.

Byron Katie sums it up beautifully with her question - Who would you be without your story?


The answer is always free.