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What Do You Want?

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What do you want?
‘I don’t know.’

I’ve asked this question a thousand times and heard that answer almost as many.

In most cases ‘I don’t know’ is simply code for ‘I know what I want but I don’t believe I can have it.’ Or the alternative - ‘I feel too much shame, embarrassment, a lack of self worth, some other derogatory feeling about myself to admit and own what I want.’

Yet time and time again I see with my clients, and indeed in my own life, that when we simply get clear and honest about what we want, without entertaining all the additional noise around it, life seems to conspire to provide us with it.

I’ve seen it with relationships, jobs, promotions and other career opportunities, clients, business growth, health, holidays and travel, and all manner of stuff that is available for us to experience in this life.

All the time we entertain the plethora of dismissive excuses and disbeliefs - ‘She’s out of my league,’ ‘they’ll never pay that much,’ ‘he’d never do that,’ ‘I don’t deserve that,’ or ‘I just don’t think it’s possible,’ - we seem to drown out the possibility of even seeing opportunities to get closer to what we really want.

This whole saga reminds me of one of my favourite quotes by William Hutchison Murray:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”

Surely that first step of commitment of which Murray refers is being honest and owning what we want. Not tentatively, but without the constant excuses and dismissals, by simply and honestly owning ‘I want this.’ Period. Full stop.

I want. No story.

Having absolutely no idea how whatever that is may come to fruition can, as far as I can tell, be part of the fun of welcoming whatever you want into your life. ‘Come on, show me, guide me, show me where you’re at!’ Inviting it in instead of dismissing it with a no-entry sign at the door.

And of course, what we want may show up in ways completely unfamiliar or unexpected, and on the face of it may look nothing like we’ve imagined. But we can only find this out if we are willing to explore, not through the eyes of fears, assumption and prediction, but through the eyes of possibility.

I’ve seen clients mysteriously meet life partners, gain promotions and new jobs, work with dream clients, make dream house-moves and relocations, create wealth, and experience new levels of happiness and intimacy. (These last two are my favourites!). But only once they’ve got honest. ‘Yes, I do want that.’

I’ve got jobs and promotions, created packages and events and charged fees, bought cars & houses, travelled, built lifestyles and even dated in ways that the noise in my head had said was not possible.

WTAF does that noise in my head know anyways? On reflection, very little! Especially when it is the jabbering noise of fear and cynicism. Any cynicism is simply a reflection of the extent to which we hold on to past disappointments. Expect to be disappointed, get disappointed.

So much magic seems to be available to us when we let that shit go. Let shit go.

Flush and get back to the dance floor of life, expecting to be pleasantly surprised in unknown and wonderful ways, and you’ll likely be just that. And have fun dancing. Joy seems to be an agent for miracles, yet cynicism, dishonesty and fear kill joy.

What do you want, irrespective of any noise you have going on about having it? Not what do you want as secondary because you don’t believe what you really want actually exists or is attainable. Not the ‘nice place to live with lots of stuff’ because ‘an intimate relationship with someone in which where we live becomes irrelevant’ is not possible.

What do you honestly want, without that cynicism or fear? Are you willing to gift yourself that level of honesty with yourself? To date your desires, lovingly, unconditionally, without them meaning anything about you or their possibility?

What if you committed to the intimacy of that honesty, without judgment? Allowed yourself to just dance in the joy of being honest with yourself about your desires.

Then watch what happens…💫

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‘What do you want?’ has been one inquiry some of my clients have explored during our coaching immersion on the Greek Island of Zakynthos, often with miraculous results. Maybe that is something you’d like to explore doing too.