Most of us were brought up in families and schools where ‘being good’ actually meant complying with rules and not being an embarrassment. We’ve spent a large portion of our life seeking approval, not wanting to be so different we stand out, endeavouring to meet our elders and teachers expectations, and when we did so we have often been awarded a gold star, either as a little sticker in our exercise book at school or some form of acceptance and recognition such as an ’employee of the month’ award.

I’ve been awarded my fair share of certificates, and my most favourite remains the one awarded to me when I was a young team leader, many years ago, for a complete lack of compliance and personal display of non-conformity. One moral of the story is to never return to your work emails after the office christmas drinks…

I did just that, and in my inbox was the statutory ‘thank you, wishing you well’ email from our head of department. It closed with some suggestion that we remain moderate and safe, or something to that affect, and I chose to reply with my own thoughts on that since I had a pretty good rapport with the originator of the email. My reply was a simple, one word exclamation:

Bollicks!

It must have took all of two seconds to send, and approximately 0.2 seconds to realise I had hit the reply-all button. Everyone in our department received my single word christmas greeting. Oh what tidings of comfort and joy!

When I called the department head to tell him I had sent him a reply that he shouldn’t, perhaps, take too personally he was totally cool with it. When I confessed that I’d replied to everyone he completely lost his cool, and after some initial disbelief entered into bouts of hysterical hearty laughter.

I sent out a short, apologetic email to everyone, as he suggested, pointing out my message was sent post-christmas lunch, and was intended in good humour, and only as a personal message to our leader. At the next department meeting I was invited on to stage to receive the inaugural Bollicks award and certificate to much applause and cheers.

I felt quite a star!

I don’t always approve of what I do, but I know that approval is not necessary for love, of others or of oneself. Love IS acceptance, be it the acceptance of others, a current reality, or ourself. I don’t need to approve to feel love, and I don’t need to approve of you or me to know we are all stars.

Loving you.